So naïve of me to have thought I escaped the rat race when I made my career choice. But I guess there really is no escaping it. I really like academic competition. But I hate having to impress someone, and forever trying to up others in order to land a job. Placement time is the time you really forget why you originally chose to do what you are doing. Everyone around you is in a frenzy – preparing, discussing, plotting – all of that, to land a job. Just any job. And doing all that not knowing why exactly you want the job. Is it the money? Not to everyone, its not. For most, it is just something. All those lofty ideals you started out with just fly out of the window, as you are caught up in all the paranoia around you.
This is such a bad year to graduate. With so few options, the paranoia is sharpened, and so is the competition. And when you tell your mother you are just disgusted with this whole concept of running the race with everyone else, trying hard to sell yourself and trying to seem just a notch better than the others, she thinks you have no aspirations. And you know that you have already disappointed her enough with your choice of career, and your almost-absolutely disregarding attitude towards money. She has deemed you a lost case. So you know, there is a sense of guilt. There are little ways by which you can appease her – at least appearing for all the placement tests, for instance.
I wish there was a way by which you can lead life on your own terms, without having to conform, without having to do things others are doing. I know there is. I wish you didn’t have to buckle to pressure and try to conform. I wish I could just travel and write, (and make money, for Amma’s sake). I wish I could choose to do what I want to do, and be good at it. I wish I could just not write a CV, extolling my achievements and trying to seem like the perfect candidate for the job. But I do have to write a CV – but the least I can do, is not sound pompous, which I think I have managed.
But as I sit here looking at my CV, wondering if it comes across as a little TOO lacklustre, despite the presence of some achievements and strengths I know I possess, I feel like there is someone standing apart from this rat race, in the stands, and laughing at me. I want to be that person.
Running away is not always cowardly. Sometimes, it is the most courageous thing to do.
Update: I have been placed. And I sort of get to travel and write. 
this is almost exactly how i feel right now. i hate the competitiveness, where everyone person is trying to gauge the other. i hate being put on the spot and judged on the basis of an idiotic 1-hour test and a 10-minute interview. and i hate that it matters to me and panics me so much!
I agree. Completely, absolutely, wholly. I secretly wish all parents could read this. Really, I do.
Priti, you spoke my mind, girl. You couldn’t have put it better.
I wish I could put down the muddle of thoughts in my head as clearly and simply as you do.
Welcome to the world of professional rat race.
And as u said, this year is bad to graduate. Thank u Mr. Bush!!!!
Your last para of wish list is very good and too infact too good to be true. I envy Mr KamalHaasan who gets to do what he wants and loves and gets paid truckloads for that.
Ahh…so much for luck
@ jay: true. i feel all smug and all, coz i don’t panic.. but deep within doubt nags me: what if i don’t land anything? what happens then? jay, i just thought of the perfect backup plan! i do hope to hell it works out. all fingers crossed.
@ sharan: they won’t understand anyway. i am trying to tell amma this ALL the time. its important for her to understand without being disappointed, but she doesn’t. poor thing.
@ pranav: hehe thanks!
@harish: true. and there are several others who make a good living doing what they like. i am not even asking for a GOOD living, just something to get by, u know. enough to sustain will do. i am not greedy at all. hehe
I was walking on some road in Pune with a friend talking abut the Civil Services and how she wanted to get in, how difficult it is truly make a difference, how you prevent not getting sucked in to the cess pool and we saw this graffiti on a wall, in English in Maratha heartland :
“Conformity is your Enemy”
In Matrixesque fashion, Welcome to the Real World and don’t be so agnostic towards competition…its not that bad after all…you’re doing journalism after all and the job is a means to do what you love – write & travel but with its own constraints.
Carpe Diem, my friend!
All the best with the rat race priti!!
u will emerge as a winner for sure!! 
>:D<
after few yrs of ur work u could come out of that mundane life and do what u feel like doing the best!
Just curious. What job is it that pays you to travel and write about it? It makes me kick myself for working towards becoming a doctor!
As of now, I’m very happy to be contributing to the growth of the unemployment rate in India!
Good luck to you !
@ G (who else eh? zzz)
yeah yeah, to carpe diem and all that. glad i waited for this. exciting alright
@priyaa
actually tougher to do it later di. now’s the chance!
@nishanth
i am studying to be a journalist. the travel really refers to my travelling around – i hope to write about my travels. i don’t get paid to do that specifically. point is, i will be moving out of home
@ramya
neenga US citizens aiduveenga ma… naanga local parties